Singam 3, Republic TV clash on Jan 26th: PM Modi promises ENT camps nationwide to help victims

The Prime Minister today reassured anxious citizens all over the country, declaring that they are well-equipped to handle what they term “India’s first ever concerted aural assault.” on the 26th of January, 2017. The upcoming Republic Day will witness a never-seen-before clash of India’s noise titans – India’s most-heard news anchor Arnab Goswami returns to television with an all-new channel named “Republic,” while actor Suriya’s famed character of India’s loudest, noisiest and angriest cop, Duraisingam, is all set to deafen the big screen again, with “Singam 3.”


Experts say that ‘Even Singham (Lion) cannot open its mouth when Arnab is talking’.

In an exclusive statement to The Tamil UnReal Times editor Dhandaraj Ande, Health Minister JP Nadda said, “Let me reassure the people of the country that our government is leaving no stone unturned. PM Modi is personally monitoring our preparations and we’re taking all steps necessary to make sure no one in any corner of the country is left helpless. This is the first time India is going to experience something like this – Jan 26th will see extreme, alarming and even catastrophic decibel levels which aren’t to be taken lightly. It is a first-of-its-kind concerted aural assault which will be inflicted upon the country. We advise you to exercise due precautions, failing which you may even lose your sense of hearing. In wake of the impending disaster, we will be setting up ENT camps in every nook and corner of the country for the sake of aggrieved citizens.”

“This isn’t the only step – we will also work with earplug manufacturers to help sell them en masse. We’re also in touch with pharma companies to come up with enough stock of Saridon and Dart. Don’t worry, by the time the doomsday arrives, we will have a ..err..sound plan in place,” Nadda added. PM Modi is also reported to have requested actor Sunny Deol to exhibit mercy, compassion and not release or screen any of his movies on the 26th.

Actor Suriya exclaimed that he is confident of drowning Arnab out. “THE NATION DOESN’T WANT TO KNOW DA , IT WANTS TO ROARRRRR DA!” Suriya screeched. Goswami, on the other hand, laughed the actor’s challenge off, mildly stating, “The noise has just begun, Mr.Singam!”

While Kollywood celebrities are yet to react to the contest, writer, producer, director, musician, lyricist, choreographer, hero and heroine, T Rajjjjhhhhennnndddddhhhhaaaarrrrrr released the following statement:
Singam solludhu “Enkitta Modhu”
Arnab solludhu “Nee yaaru naan irukkumbodhu”
Idha kettaa odanju poga podhu
ennudiya kaadhu!
Thappikara vazhi aedhu?!
Dandanakka Danakkunakka!