If the movie “Gravity” were to be made by Kollywood directors – Part 2

Filed under: Featured,Kollywood Kolaveri |

The Hollywood movie “Gravity” has charmed audiences all over the world with its unique visual effects and setting.  The movie bears a stamp of class direction all over it, well augmented with stellar performances from the lead pair.

How would the movie be if it were to be directed by Kollywood’s leading directors? The Tamil UnReal Times correspondent Mani Verithnam brings you the stories.

( Continued from Part 1 )

The movie will star Ajith in his salt and pepper look, Arya and Nayanthara, but unlike the actual Gravity movie, Ajith won’t die. Arya unfortunately will, though. Most of the movie will just be about Ajith walking stylishly in space and on the moon, with Yuvan’s theme music playing in the background. Then, after a few fight scenes and some daredevil stunts, which would have been done by Ajith himself, taking all the risk and even injuring himself in the process, the climax will have Ajith steering himself & Nayan in the Chinese escape pod in top speed back home and then walking stylishly on earth, with Yuvan’s theme music playing again.

Of course, the movie won’t have a name for a long, long time and as the shooting progresses, there will be loads of reports on how Ajith cooked Biryani for everyone on the spaceship and how he mingled easily with every one, right from the director to the spaceship’s pilot and staff.

Mysskin will say that the movie was in the cans for a long time, as no hero agreed to star in it and then finally star in it himself, along with Narain. The movie will open with a gaana song sung by Gaana Ulaganathan and Velmurugan in the spaceship with everybody adichifying quarter. But the rest of the movie will be a serious, dark, fast-paced, edge-of-the-seat thriller, with a chilling background score by Isaignani Illayaraja, before it is finally revealed that Narain is an alien in disguise, who is trying to kill Mysskin.

The movie will star Dhanush. A teaser of the film will be released, with Atari-video-game-like visuals of a spaceship crashing. But then there’ll be a delay, as the music director will be replaced. Eventually, one music director would’ve have composed the songs, someone else would’ve scored the background music and a third music director would’ve taken care of the re-recording. The story will have Dhanush and the heroine in space, with Dhanush smoking, drinking, yelling at his girl etc and then towards the second half, turning all psycho. Dhanush will write and sing a soup song, with lyrics like “Even innu space-u, I see yuvar face-u, Unnala naan gone case-u.

Whether the movie will release or not is totally uncertain, but what is certain is the release of a few videos of Selvaraghavan talking about why he feels like quitting movies, as people only make comedies and do not want to support a story set in outer space etc.

The movie will star Surya and Anushka, but space will no longer be a calm, silent place as it is shown to be in the Gravity movie. Surya will keep roaring and screaming every 5th second and single-handedly destroy the debris and the aliens. The camera will move very quickly across different planets and solar systems. When the villain alien (some foreign actor, with Aruvaals) says, “#%#^@! Indian astronaut, Aliens are kings of the solar system!” Surya will rush to him, beat him to pulp and yell, “DAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII! WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT THE INDIAN ASTRONAUT?! THIS IS THE POWER OF THE INDIAN ASTRONAUT! ONLY INDIANS ARE KING OF SOLAR SYSTEM!” and return home. Adding to the noise will be loud songs from DSP.

The movie will have Vijay and and Trisha, with Vijay doing a moonwalk on the Moon and other dance steps in space, choreographed by Prabhudeva, who will also make a guest appearance. Prakash Raj will star as the leader of the alien gang who threatens to conquer Earth. The story will have Vijay fighting aliens in an astronaut suit made out of all the costumes of his previous films.

The movie will be titled and captioned, “VinveLiyan – win w/ alien”. The movie will have Vadivelu accidentally aboard the spaceship Explorer, where Parthiban is an astronaut. Once Vadivelu steps into space, he’ll look stunned. “Aathaadi! Endha edam idhu?!” before he sees Parthiban drifting towards him and hollers, “Vandhuttaanyaaa Vandhuttaanya!” . The scene follows:

Vadivelu: Aamaa, nee inga enna pannikitturke?
Parthiban: Un munnadi ninnukitturken

Vadivelu: Ada, inga eppdi paa vandhe?
Parthiban: Parandhu vandhen

Vadivelu: Aaaaah..engerndhu paa vandhe?
Parthiban: Andha rocket lerndhu.

Vadivelu: Pch! Nee andha rocketukulla eppdi paa vandhe?
Parthiban: Andha rocketula kadhavu irukku illa, andha kadhavukullaala.

Vadivelu: Endha endha endha kadhavu paa?
Parthiban: Yen moonu tharava kekkare?
Vadivelu: Ada vudu pa! Endha kadhavu pa?
Parthiban: Indha vinveLi veerargal ellarum ulla povanga illa, andha kadhavukkullaala.

Vadivelu: Hmm, ivan sariya varamaatane! Andha kadhavu numberum perum sollu!
Parthiban: No.6, Vivekanandar kadhavu, VinveLi Rocketu,

Vadivelu: Ennadhu? Vivekanandar kadhava? Tirupi sollu!
Parthiban: VinveLi Rocketu, Vivekanandar kadhavu, No.6

Vadivelu: Aaah, irundhuttu pottum! Naan vandhu keela irukkara Ka ka ka..Kak
Parthiban: Kakoos pora edam , antha kadhavukkulaala thaane vandhe?
Vadivelu: Ayyoo! Eppdi pa kandupudche? Yaartyum sollidaadha paa!

Somebody from the ship then calls out to Parthiban and says “Captain, ulla vaanga. Kelambarom!

Vadivelu: Ayya! Neenga thaan indha rocketodu thalaivar aa ayya!?
Parthiban: Aamaa, neenga enga cabinukke vaanga!
Vadivelu: Romba nanringa ayya!

The lady near the rocket door asks Parthiban to swipe his card, which he does. When she asks Vadivelu, he slaps her and says, “Aye! Yaarta pesara? Thalaivare enna ulla koopturkar! Kelambu Kelambu!” and begins to sing “Singggg in the spaiceee, I am swyingggg in the” when he hears the two of them speaking:

Lady: Sir, ivarodu cardu?
Parthiban: Kanda kanda naayitellam card eppdi irukkum?

Vadivelu: AAAAH?!

Parthiban: Naan ivarta modhalaye sonnen card ellam pannikunga sir, nu. Avaru Dubaiku pogumbodhe passport pannaliyaam, indha maadiri rocket la ellam echakala @%@^%#@^ thaan card pannuvaangalaam!

Vadivelu: AAAAAAAH ?!

following which the lady beats him up and he’s thrown out of the rocket.

The movie will have Bharath as the hero. In keeping with Perarasu’s tradition of naming his movies after places, this one will be called “ThiruvinveLi.” The soundtrack will have 6 koothu songs written, composed and sung by Perarasu himself. The less said about the movie, the better.


One Response to If the movie “Gravity” were to be made by Kollywood directors – Part 2

  1. Kamal Haasan: He himself would play the role of George Clooney, Sandra Bullock, Houston technicians etc. He would play a total of 11 roles, speaking in an American accent that would surprise even the Americans. Illayaraja would compose the music. There wont be anyother popular actor in the movie. The movie would be extremely realistic and KH would once again make a movie on par with Hollywood quality. The story would revolve more around the mental aspects of the space scientists and how it affects the world. More detailing than actual Gravity movie. Even the scenes of destruction of the ISS would be filled with metaphors. It is obvious that the movie would be made on a budget of 250 crores, and Kamal would invest all his money in this. Would release simultaneously in Tamil, Telugu and Hindi.

    Muslims would come out on the streets claiming that the design of the space ship is against Islam. Hindus would want to ban the movie saying that Kamal Haasan is a bad example for the society as there are few realistic roleplay scenes in the movie. And, all these protests would happen even before they watch the movie, after watching just the teaser. Christians would say that the name of the movie is offensive. Indian government would say that the movie has anti-Gandhi elements. Would get banned for 2-3 weeks. Would trend everywhere on Twitter, Facebook etc. Would end up as a box office blockbuster after a delayed release; thanks to all the controversies.

    Sundarraman Poosa
    October 24, 2013 at 7:30 am